Amy

Do you know your pictures are on the internet? Perhaps you say to your photographer: look at my nudity and my freedom and my beauty and my love; look at me masturbating or bathing, look at me loving myself, and love my image with your camera. Point it at here and in there and O!, the everywhere of me - just me.

Perhaps you say to him: snap, snap, and see! It is not just you and me, it is you and me and me and me and me and me. And all that you are is your eyes, and all your eyes are, are little mirrors reflecting the universe of me.

And perhaps he says to himself: that’s what you think. It’s me and you and the world, and the world is dotted with men masturbating themselves with their monitor, drowning with the dirt of their masculinity your nudity and your freedom and your beauty and your love.

And me, I, fist, say to myself: Look!, now her blog is flecked with little fists of ejaculate, scented with chilly and salt, resembling a spoon of cheesy yoghurt, and stuffed with diseases and an army of arrows, which hurtle forward fist-like, in a quest to hunt down an ovum. Your ovum, Amy; any ovum, Amy; the world’s ovum, Amy. Amy.

Weekend Pleasures

He spends his weekend masturbating a bit, but mostly watching Star Wars on DVD. With me wrapped around his semi-hard spunk-javelin, with his mind full with images of flying lesbians descending through the mottled, pearly-white ceiling, and displaying such tiny vaginas, he makes a noise:

- Mrwahh!

It sounds like the noise Chewbacca always makes:

- Mrwahh!

In fact, he thinks, furiously beating the crap out of his best mate, with me, does Chewbacca make any other noise than:

- Mrwahh!

It’s the noise he makes when he’s losing at chess to C3PO. It’s the noise he makes when he’s reunited with the tortured Han Solo. It’s the noise he makes when strangling Lando Calrisian. It’s the noise he makes when he sees a dead animal tied to a tree.

Perhaps, he thinks, whilst picturing the fisting of the innards of an anus of a fat whore from the Estate, Chewbacca has no other form of expression. How frustrating: Han Solo says to Chewbacca,

- Heh Chewwie, it’s your birthday in a week. I was wondering if you’d like a new blaster? Maybe a new ammunition belt? Perhaps a weeks holiday in beautiful Benidorm? A meal of infinite meat in the restaurant at the end of the universe?

- Mrwahh!

- What was that? You’d prefer – one of the space rocks we picked up in the Asteroid belt?!

- Mrwahh!

- But Chewwie, they’re just worthless pieces of junk. Sure you wouldn’t prefer something a bit better, more expensive say, than that? Perhaps a nice, snazzy hat or helmet, encrusted with rare jewels?

- Mrwahh!

- What was that? Space rock? Not a night with one of Jabba’s dancers, say?

- Mrwahh!

- Space rock it is. Same as last year.

- Mrwahh!

His pleasure-stick is throbbing now, like a taxi waiting. Spin that meter, he says to me, the driver, spin it. The passenger will jump out in a minute, he says, and your hands will be full of little silvery coins.

But, he thinks, the passenger wants somewhere to go, something to jump into. And wait – what genitalia does Chewbacca have? I know he’s a bit hairy – but where is his meat plunger? Chewbacca! He thinks, picturing the little minx, you have no penis, and what’s a little downy hairy anyway, you dark-eyed temptress! You princess of sluts! You pulsating vision of feminine loveliness!

- Mrwahh!

answers Chewbacca, at the same time he does.

- Mrwahh!

Perhaps, he wonders as he ejaculates up across his t-shirt, that’s what Mrwahh means:

- Give me a penis!

Chewbacca’s being beaten at chess, and he tries his luck with C3PO:

- Give me a penis!

And C3PO gives him the game instead. That’s not what he wanted! Or when reunited with Han Solo, or as Lando Calrisian frees him, he thinks: at last! He has brought me a penis! Or, at last! He has freed me to fit a penis on me!

- Give me a penis! Mrwahh!

he cries. Perhaps some intonation is possible, and when he sees the meat tied to a tree, he reaches out to get it, uttering:

- Mrawahh!

meaning,

- I have for myself found such a fury penis!

(The pleasure stick has gone soft now, fyi.) And then reality returns, after such an orgasm of optimism, and she, Chewbacca, laments:

- O aberration after aberration, world will you not just give me a penis?

pronouncing it,

- Mrwaaaahhhhhhhh!

But Chewbacca, that darling, will never have a penis of her own. So she fights with her fists at anything. Me too, so fuck off, you.

In the toilet

Three little balls of dark shit. And not just shit, but really solid matter. And not just dark, but pure black. And not just balls, but perfect spheres. And not just three perfect spheres of pure black solid matter, but three orbitting planets, three magical orbs. And not just little, but three harmonious, endless, utterly packed, whole perfect universes of brilliant shit. He loves watching them, circulating and bobbing around in his piss, as happy as psychopathic babies, splashing around together in a lovely warm bath.

Look into a crystal ball: you see what comes next? Enjoy yourself fully with a guess.

Of course I, fist, flushed them away as quickly as I could. Ahh. That's better.

Mirror, Mirror

He has a secret he wants to tell: he has the fairest fist of them all. O all his friends he would like to know, about this little blog of mine.

He would like them to say: yes you are a wonderful fist, right up to his face. He would like to look down upon their awed little faces, as though their little faces were little mirrors, shining back the light of his awesomety.

But then I whisper a secret into his ear, who whispers into his heart, who whispers it into his soul, who whispers it into a corner of his mind. The whisper is:

"You are not awesome. Only your fist is. And then, only sometimes; when flying. You should like to suppose yourself like the blog, free, everywhere, uncensored, unlimited. But you are a man at a desk. Dull, and polite. Shut your eyes and open your fist."

And he shuts his eyes, the mirror gone. But I stay shut to. And a message of failure fails in its quest: to shatter the world with a fist.

Switches

So what, the eyelids are coming down like boulders. So what, the bangs at the back of the head like cymbals. So what, the messy paper work not done, the porn sites failing at their only function... These are always up and down, on and off, everyday; they need no comment, they are a part of the great unnoticed human world, like light-switches are.

Needs no comment? Fist comments. Even it's just to punch from the keyboard a tangle of letters a monkey might make l.; .j;knnb. k;jlk;ml ,kkmnk.l /lk,ygftdrft l,m12 fist k;jl says xczd something u7yo. Better jklijhu than uijnym nothing.

Monitor

Over the monitor his eyes monitor her: his office mate Abigail. Those bulging breasts of hers, huge udders trapped beneath that jumper, never to blurt out into the office. And on the monitor his eyes flick over flesh: naked human woman flesh, via a million miles of bot, to here. Click, click, click to his eyes.

Abigail has gone now. His eyes imagine her back, wandering about the room, her cunt sopping, her breasts squirting. And Amy here too, and other sluts, a room full of sluts; all the lovely female flesh of the world, conjured here; O for an office world full with slut and beauty. Click, click, click to his eyes, and almost it's true.

Abigail has gone now. Under the table, I am her mouth. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Then I am her tits, bounce, flop, bounce. Then I am her cunt, slop, slurp, fart. Then I am her hand, yank, yank, yank. Then I am her ass, ooh, aaah, eee.

And now, will I be the paintball trigger, that squirts white everywhere? White across the walls, white over the desk, white over the net, white over all the lovely bot-brought female flesh of this world, a blanket of white over his monitor and eyes? Of course he has the fist - but just not the guts.

Vacuum

How to keep your attention until the end of this sentence? Or the one after this one? (This one.) Are you really reading this? Has it really worked? Really, you’ve chosen not to click away to the next random guy who’s shat upon some random url, or look up some porn and bring yourself off under your office desk, or decide the next temporary amusement for amazon to post you? How can I justify your attention? Me, of all things? A fist?

How dare I presume to speak to you, O precious thing? O unique creature? O, soul-being, life-form, noble-mortal; O feeling, wanting, lusting, hurting, thinking, knowing, different, failing, winning, legitimate thing – what can anyone really say to you? Me, of all things? A fist?

Enough of the questions and the question marks? No!

O reader, we are not knuckle brothers, crunched together in some weird irony: Our clenched fingers do not butt one another. Perhaps (let’s be frank) I hate you – such stupid hair! Such a stupid accent! Such unintelligence! An unfistworthy wonder, perhaps you are. But I am sure I do not, if you have indulged me, this far. This post is just a fistful of vacuous bilge; but stay with me to the end. Where I say plainly thank you, my momentary friend.

Search!

He asks his eyes what to google. They say, “chimpanzees!”

His nose, “camembert!”

His heart, “vitamins!”

His mouth, “lipstick!”

His tongue, “a dummy!”

“Why?”

“To shut the dumb mouth up!”

His brain, “a joke book! Because this isn’t funny!”

His bored brow, “etc!”

And me? I say:

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gruelling hard-boiled hardened hard-fought harsh heavily heavy herculean herculean hornlike horny intemperately knockout knotty laborious labourious lignified marmoreal marmorean nasty ossified petrified petrous plosive problematic problematical punishing rigorous rocklike rocky rough rugged scheming semihard serious set severe severely shrewd slatey slaty solid soured stale steely sticky stiff stonelike stony strong stubborn tall thorny ticklish tight toilsome tough tricky troublesome trying tumid unenviable unkind unpadded uphill velar vexed woody why are you reading this are you bonkers hate detest hatred abhor abominate execrate loathe dislike disapproval disfavor aroused corneous hard horned hornlike randy ruttish sexy turned on horrible alarming atrocious frightful horrifying ugly voyeurdrinkingcum voyeurdrinkcum hot active baking baking hot blistering blistery boiling burning calefacient calefactive calefactory calorifacient calorific charged close eager fast fervent fervid 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smouldering springy subsist survive unfilmed unrecorded untaped whippy hunk lump backtalk brim mouth rim sass sassing lip beloved dear dearest enjoy honey loved one lovemaking making love passion sexual love love voyeurdrinkpiss voyeurdrinkpee voyeurnude voyeurmodel voyeurnaked voyeurpiss voyeurpee voyeurpussy voyeurpussypic voyeurpussypics voyeurpussylick voyeurpussylicking voyeurporn voyeurpornpic voyeurpornpics voyeurpornvideo voyeurpornmovie voyeurpornmovies voyeurgay voyeurgayporn voyeurgaypics you should have stopped reading by now model empirical worthy example exemplar exemplary experimental fashion model framework good example manakin manikin mannequin mannikin mock up modeling modelling mold mould pattern pilot pose poser posture reenact role model simulate simulation sit test theoretical account trial monster behemoth colossus demon devil fiend freak giant goliath lusus naturae monstrosity ogre monstrous atrocious big evil flagitious grievous grotesque heinous large ugly unnatural wicked naked au naturel bare defenseless nude open overt raw unaided unassisted unclothed unprotected nasty awful difficult dirty filthy foul grotty hard hateful inclement all you need is love lousy mean smutty soiled spiteful tight unclean unpleasant vile natural illegitimate bastardly biological born cancel candid connatural earthy elemental fresh glandular inborn inbred innate instinctive instinctual intuitive lifelike misbegot misbegotten native nonsynthetic normal organic physical primitive raw rude spontaneous spurious unaffected unbleached uncolored uncontrived undyed unmannered unplanted unprocessed unselfconscious unstilted unstudied visceral wild outrageous exorbitant extortionate hideous horrid horrific immoderate offensive steep unconscionable usurious peep cheap peek penetrating bottom click come home dawn fall into place fathom get across get through sink in penetrate pervert abuse convolute corrupt debase debauch degenerate demoralize deprave deviant deviate misdirect misuse profane sophisticate twistfuckportals fucksex fuckshit fucksite fuckstories fuckstory fucku fuckvideo fuckvideos fuckwhole fuckwife fuckwoman fuckwomen fuckyou fukkee fukken fukker fukking full-grown full-size funka furious furiously furiousness furniture fury gaa gabriel gabrielgif gabrieljpg gabrielfucking gabriella gabriellagif gabriellajpg gabriellafucking gabriellanaked gabriellanude gabrielle gabriellegif gabriellejpg gabriellefucking gabriellenaked gabriellenude gabrielnaked gabrielnude gai gail gailgif gailjpg gaillardia gailnaked gailnude galactic galangal galician galleon galleries gallery gallina gamete gamey gamy gang gangbang gangbanging gangbangs gangbangwife gangbangwives gangbangz gangs gangz gap gape gaper gapes gaping gapingass gapingasshole gapor gargantuan garrett garrettgif garrettjpg garrettfucking garrettnaked garrettnude gauge gauging gaur gavin gavingif gavinjpg gavinfucking gavinnaked gavinnude gay gaylatinman gaygif gayjpg gayandlesbian 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monsterhooters monstertit monstertits monstrous montanan monte montertits monumental mordant morgan morgangif morganjpg morganfucking morgannaked morgannude morsel mortal moufflon mouflon mountainous mouth move movie movies mpeg mpg msn muck mucky mud muddied muddy muff muggy mull muntjac musaceae muscular museum mussy must mustang my myna mynah myristica nabalus nageia naked nakedamateur nakedangelina nakedangelinajolie nakedanna nakedasian nakedasian nakedasiangirl nakedasiangirls nakedasians nakedasianslut nakedasianwoman nakedass nakedasshole nakedbabe nakedberry nakedbitch nakedblack nakedblackgirl nakedblackgirls nakedblackwoman nakedblackwomen nakedblond nakedblonde nakedblondes nakedbritney nakedbritneyspears nakedbutt nakedcarmen nakedcartoon nakedceleb nakedcelebrities nakedcelebrity nakedcelebs nakedcheerleader nakedchef nakedchick nakedcoed nakedcollegecoed nakedcollegegirl nakedfemale nakedfemales nakedfree nakedgay nakedgayman nakedgays nakedgirl nakedgirls 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ristanjpg ristanfucking ristannaked aroma aromas flavor flavors favor favors sexfavor ristannude robert robertgif robertjpg robertfucking robertnaked robertnude robot robust rock rocroi roman romance romanian romantic odor dors odorous romanticism room roosevelt rope rough roughrider roundass ruggedness rumanian run running runty ruritania russia russian russiancunt russiangirl russiangirls russianporn russians russianwife russianwives rut ruttish ryan ryangif ryanjpg ryanfucking ryannaked ryannude sabayon sable video female game charecters girl hentai interrogation male pain balls movie snuff pervert pain sex pic picters bondage pictures pierce porn rape bdsm stories rape photos rape pics repe pics sadism rape sex real sex tumbnails stories bdsm thumbnail toons videos videos free whip woman pics tortured asian teen school tortured brasilian tortured breast tortured cunt tortured tits torturesex vaginal peircing vhs video tit bdsm women lingirie men sadomasochism women tortured raped thumbs xxxx russian FIST A handful of tit finger deep inside wet pussy with lesbian licking the fuck finger clean watch the cute teen lesbo bendover displaying her hairy crotch and smelly pubic area moistended with cunt juice flowing from the greasy vagina and greased clit oozing after orgasmic juices have flowed from the swelled excited pussy and pussylips."

And then he shuts down the world’s wide interweb. And goes back to fiddling around the paperclips. Me spread-eagle amongst them.

Creation

Sometimes when he sobs or cries, he pukes up shit through his eyes. Sometimes in a laugh or guffaw or titter, he throws out a feeling or two as litter. Sometimes, when he uses an unusual or clever word, and all are impressed, or someone submits to being undressed, he knows himself absurd. Sometimes when he picks his nose and flicks it on the grass, he’s pretending he’s fucking some girl’s ass. Sometimes when some snot he flicks, he feels at last that he exists.

Onetime when He fiddles about with a rib, it is a woman blurted into man’s crib. Sometimes when woman stoops to eat an apple, it constitute the crime of crimes. (Did you note that there I stopped the stupid rhymes?)

But the fist is always fist. And inside me lies a point, a core, tiny, evil, enduring; eternal, even, perfect. That dot, a remnant and echo of the big bang, that explosive thing, that gutted eternity with time, that raped emptiness with light, that fisted a symmetry of perpetual peace with an explosion of fundamental force.

Dream

He has a dream. A friend tells him to be less logical and more experimental. To see a bit more magic in other people. So, he should let his manager fuck his ass. His manager, a small, middle-aged gay Irish man, with a bright red face. As he feels the ejaculate squirt into his anus, he turns his head a little, looks back along his own naked, grotesque kneeling body, to see there a small, middle-aged frame juddering away, and a contorted look of sickly pleasure spreading over the boiling, lobster-like features of a face.

How do I know this? you ask. Weren't you knuckled firmly into a carpet at the time? Yes: but his eyes told me, his memory told me, his hope told me. They say: "Understand what this dream means. Mediocre philosophies will not help you. Respect for work will not help you. See what this does to you, fist, know what this does to you."

Abortion

Some slutwhore ex wishes to be friends, email after email after email she sends. With appropriate pauses. This one about the Sunday paper she knows I leaf, the next about some porn film for women she's bought. Fistworthy in itself, such a crude, geometric attempt to remain close.

Funny to think he fucked her ass as if picking his nose, funny to think of all the others who've done the same, those ... I cannot say it. Fist, fist, keep your fist ready, I tell him, the abortion-loving whore loves you no more, and you never loved her. Eyes, eyes, stay clear, see.

My Owner...

... has been in a fine mood today. No-one has walked through the door, & under the table I have clenched. No emails have pinged, & in the air I've shook. No-one on the train has stood on his foot, & on the way out he has a dream where he turns back time and fills their face in with me, his fist.

Nothing like that at all, today. So be it. Let emoticon smiles play on the centre stage of his mouth. But he did let me type here on you my dark, darling blog - & I'll show him, I thought. I'll show him!

But ... what? Show him, what do I show him on a day like today? Ahh, at least this: that still he has failed to forget me, that never can he forget me, me, his only darkling, death-loving, never-dying part.

Stomach

Fists fist his stomach, in a fluid form: red wine from the night before, now a turbulent, turbid storm. No vomitting at work now, no slacking off each chore. But fist your stomach at lunch time - choose something solid, to mop up the slime like a whore.

And I'll fist my blog with his little tale of woe, because I, fist, decide it fisted so. Wine is but a fluid fist, and food a solid one, and work and the world are fists too, fists that weigh a ton. And here from my little pivot on the wrist, it seems all around the world, fists fist fists. I, fist of fists, declare it so.

A Monday hangover, and everything seems like hell. I like it like that, and swell.

Friday Feeling

I wanted to post about this and that and thot - then, I stopped. Next it was something or other, then something else again. Then nothing in particular and nothing to write home about, but -. After X, Y & Z, it was so & so, thingamejig, wassisname and watchacallit. And you know, you do you know, you know you do, came along to play a cameo part, too.

Finally I said to my blog, forget all that, it's Friday. Just get fisted.

Six

Six in the evening has rolled around, without chime or tick or tock - smoothly run the hands of the office clock. Look at it this way, he tells himself: I have to get that done - sure I'll be home late tonight - but tomorrow I don't have to get up early - look to the weekend - then I'll have some fun - look at it -

Hands, hands, hands of the clock, I envy you not. All you do is point at numbers, the symptom that shows time its malady: that it is forever dying. Hands, hands, hands of the clock, you'd curl yourself up if you could, into a little ball, warm, blind, and blissfully without future or memory. But the eyes see the happy fist, count up the fingers, and announce it all as only temporary.

Grandmamma

Often, when he is looking at a photo of his grandmamma, I like to intrude on his thoughts. He’ll flick through the album – that massive hat on the beach! that lounge, and that old mutt of theirs! – then remember the eucalyptus smell of her handkerchief. And me, I’ll say to him: fist, fist! I bet she loved being full of fist.

He’ll try and join in with these kind of jokes, for a while. He’ll remember being six years old, and accidentally walking into the bathroom when she was naked there. “You dirty, dirty boy! You pervert! I told you I was in here! Get out!” Like the dog that barks, he was much more scared than she was. He’d just been wandering around the house randomly, dreaming about some cartoon before the almighty shock. Haha, he’ll say now, fat old shouting woman nude, and me a child! Haha!

But then I whisper in his ear this:

You may reach sixty, if you’re lucky. Then the world may not be too different, too worse, if you’re lucky. And children may still only be inwardly evil, like you are, if you’re lucky. And if you’re lucky, you’ll be stumbling around the alien abode of your son or daughter, their alien son or daughter milling about with innocent looks.

And like grandmamma, you’ll be trying to disguise the fatness and ugliness and stupidity of yourself, with talcum powder and personal affects and lofty attitude. And like you with the photograph album, the grandchildren will try to be affectionate, but secretly and deep-down, they’ll at best just be bored with or flabbergasted at you.

And then, soon after, when your body is dust, your words whispered away, echoing about no ears no more, they will vaguely try to conjure your memory; fail, and say: ahh, the old bastard can get fisted. And so:

Fists of the future enter him from all angles, the human I am attached to. They shut up the cheap conjurer that is his memory, shout down the easy rhymester who acts as the poet of his feelings. And all positions, except for fist, are left vacant.

Mail

In the post comes, and then out it goes. A tide of mediocrity: badly worded questions, adverts for office supplies, request upon request upon request; all that produces nothing. And with it another tide, of melancholy: badly thought conclusions, an advert for otherness, silence upon silence upon silence; all that produces nothing. In the mood comes, and then out it goes.

But I have plans: one day I will write off for mail order fists, and then they will jump like a jack-in-the-box out of the post, punching down the office door, demolishing the pigeon holes, flying through the computer screen, sending the out tray out the window, its mail free to fly away like birds. And then they will carry him, this office man, down a blood-red road made out of roses, and above them he will float. & I, his fist, will be the fist of fists; the centre of all the other fists that fly or thump through the mail.

Now he signs his name, now he stamps a form, now he sends an email. He is the exact centre of nothing, there in his cubicle, except his fist's attention. His fist that just waits, and waits, and waits, for permission to jump out from this box and into everywhere, into anywhere.

Birthday Party

Into the bar the gift-bearers come; one after one after one. There an ex-girlfriend, here a new chum. Soon, the warm exchanges and handshakes and presents are done. Now, the drinking has begun. There is no place for fists here tonight; not now, here with the boys and the girls.

Women, o what women! There's the fat easy one with massive tits, and a flat one who fucks strangers in toilets. None that he can screw tonight, none that I can enter tonight. And none strip naked and run through the streets, none put their hands through his hair, none even just kiss his lips, and none whisper love songs into his ear.

Soon the birthday song is sung, and soon the slurred goodbyes are done. Through the graveyard I & he, the birthday-boy human and me - his fist - wander home. No nymphs spring out from a buried tomb. No lantern of love pours light through the trees. No one says heh Mister, heh Master, take me now as you please.

Women, o for women! Naked and lovely, giggling and horny, sloppy and slutty! O, allow him two, one for each fist: worn like a glove or boxing glove, to punch up into the air with, to stride the streets with, to tower over the city with! To say: behold! I am a man with a cunt on each fist! Behold, city, and kneel! I have conquered such sirens as these!

But later comes my purpose. He lies alone, cold as a corpse, under his duvet; half drunk, and flooded with thoughts of nothing but cunt. My purpose is to grip and rub and squeeze, you know where, squeeze for little white pips, which after minutes drip, drip, drip, one after one after one, from a soon-forgotten ejaculate.

Printer

The lime-green sheets spool out, one after another after another, a thousand gone, a thousand to go, and for every new thousand, another thousand printed forms needed: and still he does not use me against the beige device.

The boxes are ticked, one after another after another, thousands gone, thousands to come, by the thousands of strangers passing through the waiting room: and still he does not use me against their indifferent eyes.

I am a fist, why am I not inside that machine, or that person's skull? I ask him and ask him and ask him, a thousand times today, a thousand times yesterday, a thousand times tomorrow.

Perhaps one day he will answer profoundly: how many hands do such work? Indifferent, bored, quietly hateful? Thousands yesterday. Thousands today. Thousands tomorrow. And how many reach to my face, flying forward with their fists? Or feeling the contours of my face with their soft finger-tips? None yesterday, none today. Why tomorrow should I be any different?

But he does not answer profoundly. Instead, he unfurls his fists into fingers, as if petals falling from a flower, and stuffs them into his pockets, his pies, his nose.

Introduction

I am the right fist of a man. A Monday to Friday man, an office man, a man at a computer. A man with panda rings around his eyes and dandruff in his hair. But he doesn't care.

I am a blogging fist. But to blog I have to unfold, and as I unfold I die. I become just a hand. Fingers tap-tap-tapping like any others. All for the cause of this blog. Just to post here I die each day, trusting the memory of my fingers.

But I do not forget myself: back my fingers curl, and I am a fist reborn. He knows all this, the man, but he lets me do it all the same. What choice does he have? Everyone fears the actions of their own fist. Or at least, everyone who knows himself and his fist.