100 Facts About Fist

1. Several bloggers have commented that they find the character of Fist elusive.
2. Quite possibly this list will change all that!
3. Perhaps it is working already.
4. Fact 4: I like comments on my blog (so do inform Fist.)
5. It is late, he is tired and hungover; possibly not in an appropriate mood for Facts.
6. He did not notice being born; was born asleep, and in fact for the first year of life barely moved – never crawled, my mother assures – and mostly spent that time sat against a sofa with toys arranged around him in a semi-circle; contemplating them, perhaps.
7. At university there were such long bus journeys from here to here, everyone drunk or hungover, talking away about the latest lay, or homework trouble or idiot tutor, or where they ended up last night, or how much they managed to drink, and once upon a time from the window the following came into view: a man in a turban sat cross-legged in a field, with a perfect semicircle of cows arranged around him, which he slowly fed with fistfuls of grass, one by one by one.
8. Years later, I sliced through delicious steak here and here.
9. Once upon a time, a silly and drunk young man was in the way of my exit from a tube train here; so I pushed him out through the doors, pinned him against a sign, the left fist pointing a finger up at his face, ordering: “Never get in my way again.”
10. He hasn’t.
11. Probably he was a trainee Doctor; maybe one day he will find this fist bleeding in an Emergency room, remember the face – laid about before him unconscious, defenceless, and in need – and decide to amputate.
12. Certainly the young doctor will have put his fists to a better purpose than I, Fist, over the years since then.
13. An orgasm a day keeps bad moods away.
14. I’m not sure if he’s had sex this year, but there was an awful lot last year.
15. I have never fisted a vagina or anus, but once or twice or thrice, or whatever number sounds nice, the thumb has pushed its way over a woman’s face, the bony flesh of her cheeks, the plateau under the chin, and then gone into the mouth, working itself over the lips, around the gums, the teeth; the other fingers gripping the skull, as it teased the tongue.
16. I spy with my little eye on that ex-girlfriend’s blog via proxify.com or anonymizer.com each and every working day; she has no idea.
17. We’re still friends and meet and chat a lot, and I must say rather pleasantly, at that; behind her back, I accurately name her the “slut-whore ex.”
18. The sofa and the bath are, imho, mankind’s greatest inventions.
19. He likes to say, at dinner parties, that Civilisation should have stopped there.
20. He’s never been in love.
21. He’s told six different women he’s been in love with them.
22. They said that they were in love with him, too – first.
23. He once pretended he didn’t hear a girlfriend mumble ‘I love you’ when she was drunk and sleepy, and so never said it to her.
24. She only came once from the cock through the entirety of their relationship.
25. Statistically, it seems, the cock is of an average size for a white man.
26. Annoyingly, it’s a grower not a shower.
27. He has never received penis enlargement spam.
28. He lives just around the corner from Deek.
29. Probably they know each other’s faces from passing by on the street, or slumping in a pub, or playing ballgames in a local park.
30. He has no real wish to meet Deek.
31. He plays a lot of chess on-line; finds the game fascinating, even has the odd book about its history and the human comedy of it all.
32. He has only ever won one truly satisfying and complete game of chess; the pleasure was flabbergasting, the memory still lovely.
33. He likes to get incredibly drunk and then beat people at chess while he is blindfolded.
34. Most of his friends have grown rather weary of doing this, but not of talking it up; it’s almost legendary.
35. He’d like to play two games simultaneously and blindfolded, but no victims have volunteered for this humiliation.
36. He doesn’t think The Game of Chess part of The Waste Land is particularly remarkable, unlike The Fire Sermon and the other really famous and often-quoted sections.
37. For a while, his soul was under the sway of this book, then this book, then this, then this; they perched in the palm like doves of truth.
38. He does not like to see the earth from the moon, or to name it as a whole too much; there is no thought, no language, to grasp this swirling ball of man and nature; unknown and unnamed marvels and murders nest in each and every moment.
39. Nonetheless, he credits thought and credits the banal and very big fact that all of us actually exist really rather highly; the Treatise reviewed here is his current guide, influence, love; whatever you want to call it, he does not know what to call it.
40. He would like to tell you what to read and why.
41. See links above, excepting Larkin.
42. It is an island mentality, he knows, behind this wish; the belief in closure and control that comes with it, that makes a utility out of culture.
43. Art has no purpose says I, Fist.
44. Yet it serves us, sometimes rescues us, and carries weight.
45. This is all getting rather intellectual.
46. I, Fist, along with the left fist, plays the piano – jazz, mostly – badly.
47. I have had my fingernails painted more than once.
48. I have had my nails painted less than thrice.
49. I have never had a bone broken.
50. He is an INFP.
51. He is lazy.
52. He is overweight.
53. He has started going to the gym again.
54. He likes exercise.
55. Throughout most of his haphazard life, he has let others make decisions for him.
56. Recently he decided to go part-time in his job, to try to make a career of writing; that begins on June 1st.
57. Control is beyond him.
58. He likes being wished luck.
59. Not so keen on love.
60. The slut-whore ex used to orgasm all the time during sex – with him.
61. She, an artless and promiscuous lover before, said it changed her view of sex and intimacy entirely.
62. The other week, enormously drunk, she got fucked by two strangers at a party.
63. She has never told him this.
64. I distrust existentialism.
65. When watching his father breathe his final breath, laid out in the hospice on his death bed, green with cancer and fat with drugs, he noticed the time was three minutes to seven o’clock.
66. They, his father and him, never found an appropriate way to speak to each other; about things in common, or about difficulties.
67. When I was 13, my Dad went mad; approximately recovered by the time I was 18, only to be diagnosed with cancer, which killed him when I was 21.
68. Them the breaks.
69. Nonetheless, he is partly responsible for their failure to properly speak.
70. One year exactly after the death, he assaulted a stranger on a tube train.
71. He has been beaten up.
72. He owns boxing gloves.
73. The story of Narcissus and Echo is the most profound story he knows.
74. Perhaps he does not know it really, though; for to know is to suffer, with the seer Tiresias anyway.
75. He believes that the most towering of 20th Century intellectual thought – Freud, Foucault, Lacan, say – can be best understood by referring to the story of Narcissus and Echo, which disrobe their symposia as parochial bungalows dressed grandly as regal palaces.
76. He has a lot of friends and fun in his life.
77. None of his friends know about this.
78. The word ‘happy’ is one of his least favourite.
79. ‘Defenestrate’, ‘swerve’ and ‘labyrinthine’ some of his most favourite.
80. Nothing I have typed out has he found truly satisfying and complete.
81. Nor is that the point, the aim, the purpose, the ambition…
82. He holds it likely that Czeslaw Milosz was profoundly right in stating this: that happiness has the smell of freshly baked bread.
83. I like nature, and miss it somewhat, here now in the city.
84. I do not know what the future holds for us.
85. I find the clues worrying, distressing.
86. Into his mouth I have put: alcohol, cigarettes, magic mushrooms, marijuana, ecstasy, coffee and sugar, and cocaine in the nose.
87. He finds marijuana easily the most pleasurable of those; if you disagree, either you need a better dealer, or he does.
88. He smokes marijuana very little nowadays.
89. Not a big fan of the 69.
90. 90! I am struggling to find eleven more facts worth stating about myself, but best not to waste these final moments.
91. Ten now.
92. Did I mention the elusive thing?
93. He was quite good at mathematics, studied it as an undergraduate.
94. He quit drama at school to get away from a drama queen girlfriend, whom thought their love perpetual and eternal; incidentally, her name was not Juliet.
95. He hated performing on stage; but devising plays, improvising, directing, rehearsing – he misses them.
96. He’s been bitten by the same dog twice.
97. He used to fear dogs a lot more before that.
98. He has immensely elaborate and indecipherable dreams.
99. I like the blogosphere and, probably, I like you too.
100. He thinks soap-opera and sci-fi (amongst other things) are partly appealing because they make humans simpler to understand, easier to witness, and more recognisable than that which is real.